U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
