You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
