I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
