I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
