awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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