I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
