I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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