Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
