Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
