Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
