That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
