dude i'm inner monologue high
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
