i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
