ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
