Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
