four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
