Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
