Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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