i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
