So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
