The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
