I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
