Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
