Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
