In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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