cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
