She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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