The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
