it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
