ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
