Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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