so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
