I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
