Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
