I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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