for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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