Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
