i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
