I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
