Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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