just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
