just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
