Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
