i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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