my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
