you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
