my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
