It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
