Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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