Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
