I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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