Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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